Cookie Crisp – The CartoonMilk Review

Cartoons and cereal go hand in hand. When you were a baby, your favorite thing was probably to grab a bowl of supermarket brand cereal and watch He-Man and the Master of the Universe on your local affiliate network. This is the childhood I assume every American has, and of course if you are reading this blog, you are in fact probably American. However, I am not American. I live in Norway.

When I was a baby, elements of American food culture fascinated me. As someone who became more or less fluent in my second language of English at a young age, the internet gave me plenty early exposure to food products that existed in the freedom lands. Cereals especially were interesting, as they were often food ideas which simply did not exist where I was from. In the US, cereals came in shapes and forms I would love to eat for breakfast. Cereals with sugar lumps, cereal made from cinnamon, and of course cereal in cookie form. Cookie Crisp was a most fascinating cereal, did Americans really make small cookies fit for breakfast consumption? Getting away with eating Cookies for breakfast seemed like a dream come true, but for Americans it was life. My assumption was of course that these cereals were just too unhealthy for Norwegian law, and that was why they were not available here.

Rice is kinda like the eastern asian version of cereals.

As I grew older, I eventually tasted most of these American cereals. Sometimes I would find them in retailers’ import sections, one time I even asked a neighbor who was going on vacation to the states to bring some back. I started to learn that the lofty promises of these high concept breakfast items were no more than ideas of what children enjoy, blandified into acceptable breakfast items. But Cookie Crisp remained untasted.

Years later when I was in London on a study trip, I discovered in a convenience store near the hotel a small portion sized box of Cookie Crisp. Perhaps it was time to end the childhood curiosity. I bought it together with a jug of milk. Despite me having to waste most of the milk because the hotel room did not have refrigeration, this was an acceptable sacrifice.

I have very little memory of eating the cereal. It was certainly a disappointment, but the details escape me. However, this is not where the story ends.

Millk used in cereals do not come from goats. It comes from cows. I do like goats, however.

On Saturday I was at Iceland, a UK retail store which exists in Norway mostly selling frozen potatoes and imported wares from the United Kingdom. This is where once again I came across the fabled “Cookie Crisp” cereal. The disappointment of the original tasting of the cereal was by then 5 years old. Once again I was curious about how cookies could ever be an acceptable breakfast dish. I bought the cereal, and brought it home. The following morning it was breakfast time. I observed the cereal box, and compared it to the “Unicorn Froot Loops” I had at home. Cookie Crisps was a healthier cereal, with less sugar and carbs. The theory of these cereals being too unhealthy for Norwegian law went out the window.

I poured 60 grams of cereal in my bowl. I looked at the the small cookie shaped pieces in the bowl. I sat by my office desk where I usually eat breakfast. I took a bite. The disappointment came back. Never had I tasted a cookie this bland. The promises of pieces of tasty chocolate chip cookie were broken, in fact there’s no chocolate pieces in the cookie crisps, it’s just bland flavored colored dots. As I continued to eat the Goof Troop of cereals, I began thinking about how the cereal I was eating was the Goof Troop of cereals. A great, exciting idea remains an illusion over something quite bland indeed. The wild wolves of the forest have been turned into a small dog to keep in a handbag. The memories of Cookie Crisp will probably escape my mind once again, never entering what I consider my greatest cereal related memories. My greatest cereal memory, for example, is eating corn flakes at 2am while watching black and white Porky Pig cartoons. To this date, I always think about corn flakes while watching Porky Pig. Porky Pig is a cornflake, Goof Troop is a Cookie Crisp.

I wish I had a picture from a black and white porky more relevant to this article.

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